Denial Is A Place In My Heart

Things I’m Good At: Avoiding Pain

I’ve been having a little difficulty opening up to the Holy Spirit lately. I’ve actually been avoiding it because when I open myself to him, I experience all the grief that I’ve been avoiding through busyness. Quite often, there is a battle going on in my heart between my desire to avoid pain (which I’m pretty good at) and my hunger for intimacy with God. This morning, hunger won out and I invited him to step past my walls. When he does, his light always exposes the hurts I’ve been denying, the insidious lies that have I’ve listened to and allowed to rest in the recesses of my heart. Together, he and I, walk through this tunnel of grief, anger, fear, guilt and anxiety until he brings me through to peace. And then I wonder why I ever put it off.

He reminded this morning of the importance of being thankful. It’s funny how the spiritual dynamic of thanksgiving works. It is one of the most powerful weapons we have and yet, it is often overlooked. I think that’s because we human beings tend to focus on what we don’t have instead of being thankful for what we do have. If Eve had been more thankful for all that had been given to her and Adam, she wouldn’t have been tempted by what she was denied.

Jesus Did It

Jesus often expressed thanks for what he had. The miracle of multiplying food began by him giving thanks for the fish and loaves. He gave thanks at the last supper before he broke the bread that symbolized his body. In the book of Luke, the men on the Emmaus road recognized Jesus when he broke bread with them. I don’t think it was the breaking of bread as much as the thanksgiving beforehand that made them realize who was sitting them.

This morning, the Holy Spirit led me to Psalm 92 which is a song of praise and thanksgiving. Twice the psalmist declares how God is blessing him even in old age (not that I’m old but . . .). As I read the words of the writer’s thanksgiving, they became my words – my declarations of his goodness and faithfulness. After meditating on the scripture, I began declaring thanksgiving over the ways God has blessed us since my husband’s passing. Unexpected gifts, insurance, friends, family, even the dog (but NOT her unbelievable capacity to poop). Once I started, blessing after blessing came to mind and I found the peace that always comes in his presence.

Spirit Laws

There are two spiritual principles that are attached to thanksgiving. One is the dynamic of increase. When Jesus gave thanks for the little he had on hand to feed 5,000 people, it was dramatically increased. Thanksgiving is like a magnet for increase. But thanksgiving doesn’t just increase blessing. It is also a weapon that dispels the lies of the devil. It is powerful when we shift our focus to what we have instead of what we lack. When we consider the ways that God has been faithful so far, our hope level rises and becomes faith and the devil’s ability to stall us out through discouragement is greatly diminished.

It’s funny but I can remember my mom telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself and be thankful for what I had. Of course, she said it in such a way that the last thing I wanted to do was to be thankful. It sounded more like punishment than a solution. I don’t think she really understood the wisdom of her words because that’s just what you say to your ungrateful children steeped in self-pity.

Oprah. Really?

I’m not really an Oprah fan (back up off of me) but I once heard her say something worth repeating here. Each night before bed, she had a routine. She would record five things that happened during the day that she was thankful for in a journal. It could be any little blessing – a parking space, dinner didn’t burn (my grandchildren take great joy in recounting how many times I’ve set kitchen towels on fire while cooking), not crying at the bank (another article someday), or some other little or big thing that happened. I think this is a discipline worth developing – morning or night. Just a way to re-shift our focus on what’s important.

Prayer Matters

Today I’m praying for anyone who has gone through the trauma of divorce. Because there is always the stigma of failure attached to a failed marriage, I pray they will be able to forgive themselves for any sense of failure on their part. I pray they will be able to forgive their former spouse for failing them. I pray they will also forgive any outside parties involved. I pray that God would restore them in every way possible to be able to move ahead with him with no ties to the former pain. I’m praying that any children involved will be protected from self blame, rejection, abandonment and disappointment.

Thanks for reading my article. What are you praying for today? Leave a comment so I can partner with you in prayer or just let me know what you think of this article.

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6 Replies to “Denial Is A Place In My Heart”

  1. You are truly a gifted writer! Just catching up. My prayer is that God would always find me thankful, grateful, and in my knees.

  2. I always love to read your blogs. They lift the spirit and and encourage .I can so hear mom telling you that ???.

  3. I always enjoy reading and chewing on your posts. Often they really make me think. Often I can be in agreement because I’ve been through the same thing. I know I need to increase my thankfulness, my attitude of gratitude. When I read an entry daily from the Dohner’s book on being thankful, after while I would stop. No reason. I’m better at continuing old habits rather than continuing new and better habits. I’ve gotta work on that. Please pray for those who have unfortunately gone thru more than one divorce. It can really sting, and cause you to be hyperprotective of oneself and hesitant to trust again. Lastly, please pray a phenomenal new employment opportunity that is better and healthier than where I am opens up just for me very soon.

    1. Yes Cynthia, I will pray for continuing healing from your previous relationships and for new doors to open! I’m also praying that God will refresh your vision to see His ongoing goodness each day. Blessings!

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