How Do You Cope?
Have I ever mentioned we are experts at avoiding pain? Humans. Humans are experts at avoiding pain. I once heard someone say they believed more than half of the world’s mental illness was the result of people trying to shut down painful areas of their life. Please don’t be offended. I KNOW there are genuine and legitimate disorders of the brain and I am not trying to minimize their validity. However, there are also things our brains do in response to traumatic events in our lives like dissociative identity disorder. Of course that is an extreme response but my point is we do extreme things to avoid pain. (For instance, I quit wearing panty hose and high heels. That was a different kind of pain but still.)
Most of us will never suffer from something as extreme as dissociative identity disorder but we all have some form of pain reaction. Many people develop different kinds of defense mechanisms. Whether your response is anger, running, shutting down, abusing drugs/alcohol or something else, most people become experts at avoiding situations that cause them pain. Consider for a moment, how do you deal with painful situations?
No Pain No Gain
Have you ever willingly submitted to pain? Just like working out at the gym (something I avoid at all costs) we will endure pain if we believe there is a purpose for it. If we believe our pain will result in something we value or protect something we love, then we will endure and maybe even embrace that pain. Kind of like a woman in labor. She will go through the pain of childbirth for the sake of the baby to come. (I remember trying to tell the nurse I’d changed my mind in the middle of labor pains once. I would just stay pregnant the rest of my life. She laughed at me and not in a nice way. I nicknamed her Nurse Ratchett.) If we perceive a light at the end of the tunnel we will find a way to push through. That’s why personal trainers are always yelling “You’re almost there just 3 more – 2 more – you can do it, etc.” They’re motivating their victims, I mean clients, not to quit before achieving the goal.
But what about when there is no perceptible fruit? What about when the payoff doesn’t stack up to the pain? I feel like I’ve gone through a whole lot of meaningless pain lately. Seriously. God and I are in quite the dialogue these days as I seek to find something good in this train wreck of loss.
*Side Note: It’s amazing how God is not offended by honesty. Since Bert died, I’ve said things like, “I don’t trust you,” “You don’t keep your promises,” “I don’t believe you love me” and many other sacrilegious things right out loud to him and I’m still breathing.
Nothing But The Truth
Can you handle the bare, naked truth? (Flashback to Jack Nicholson yelling at Tom Cruise, “You can’t handle the truth!) I’m warning you, my next words are going to be completely transparent and a little graphic about the past 18 months so you may want to skip the next paragraph.
There is not one ounce of goodness in the devastating loss I’ve experienced in the last 18 months. There is nothing good in losing my little dog to the pain of bone cancer as I try to slip water down her throat with an eye dropper. There is nothing good in watching my mom die gasping for air while I’m helplessly trying to increase oxygen flow to lungs that no longer have capacity to receive oxygen due to lung cancer. There is nothing good in witnessing my husband’s body and brain shut down day by day as he succumbs to pancreatic cancer. No friends, there is nothing good about these things because they were caused by someone who has no goodness in him. (Hint: His name is not God.)
Nothing But God
So what do you do when you are immersed in a sea of pain with no redeeming aspects? I don’t know about anyone else but I have turned to the redeemer. I’ve scooped up all my confusion and hurt and placed it in his lap and stepped back waiting for him to bring something good out of the chaos of my emotions.
And He agrees. There is nothing good in these things. But. (Yes I know it’s not a full sentence, I’m going for an effect here.) BUT. . . But He can take the very things meant to destroy me, to destroy my faith and USE them to bring good things out in me. Things like a greater capacity for empathy and compassion. Things like I’m stronger and smarter than I thought possible. Things like I’m more focused and dependent on his voice than I’ve ever been. Things like an increase in passion to see healing and frankly, less to lose when I risk. There is more. Things I am not ready to share and things he hasn’t yet revealed. He is redeeming what’s been stolen just as he promised.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28 (NIV)
What Do You Think?
Have you gone through a rough time? How did you get through it? Did you get through it? What, if anything did God reveal to you through it? I’m still processing myself and I’d love to compare notes.
As I said in my last article, a friend of mine suggested that I record an audio file of these articles so she can listen to them while driving. What do YOU think? Let me know if that would be helpful to you.
Prayer Matters
I’m praying that I will resist cynicism and for the innocence of my faith to be restored. To step back into that childlike faith that trusts completely and for fear to have no hold on me. What are you praying for? How can I partner with you?
Thanks for reading my blog. What about you? What are you praying for? Share by commenting or you can contact me privately with any prayer concerns at pastorn1975@gmail.com .
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